Snarking And A Little Barking

manletguevara:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

sometimes i remember that the CIA sent a woman to kill castro and instead she changed her mind and slept with him instead. imagine the CIA to fund your trip to cuba so you could fuck castro. legend.

She was given two botulism-toxin pills to drop in Castro’s drink, so her story goes. Just one would kill him in 30 seconds, but she got cold feet.

“I knew the minute I saw the outline of Havana I couldn’t do it,” she told Vanity Fair, describing her emotions on landing in the Cuban capital.

“He leaned over, pulled out his .45, and handed it to me,” she recounted. “He didn’t even flinch. And he said, ‘You can’t kill me. Nobody can kill me.’ And he kind of smiled and chewed on his cigar … I felt deflated. He was so sure of me. He just grabbed me. We made love.”

(via panda-umbrellas)

phoenixtawnyflower:

I think my favorite jokes are the ones that weren’t even all that funny until I was an adult, and now they’re fucking hilarious. I’m not even talking about the dirty jokes. I’m talking about in Finding Nemo where the sharks are having fucking AA for fish eating. Remember that shit? “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” Who ever thought of that? That was brilliant. Or what about that time in Shrek 2 where Shrek and Donkey infiltrate the castle pretending to be union workers? Little me didn’t give a shit about unions but big me is remembering Shrek going “It’s okay buddy, we’re from the union” and the desk worker secretively “we don’t even have dental,” and Shrek just shakes his head and looks at Donkey like he can’t believe this shit and goes, “They don’t even have dental.” What the fuck. I’m dying of laughter. Who comes up with this shit.

(via bumblebyaf)

dankmemeuniversity:

(via isnt)

dankmemeuniversity:

(via isnt)

generalgrievousdatingsim:

me: i don’t need to write this down i’ll remember it

me literally a minute later:

(via kimchikinq)